Aries is the cardinal fire sign and so they can propel themselves in any direction. They can be likened to a rocket, gun or engine, using energy and initiative to bring about changes. The glyph or symbol depicts the ram’s horns.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the meaning of selfless love.

Taurus: The Bull (20th April - 20th May) is concerned with beauty, romance, sentimentality, sensuality, materialistic values, wealth, prosperity, harmony, love of living things, possession, control, security, dependability, loyalty, determination, patience, habit, organisation, tenacity, kindness, shyness, cautiousness, trustworthiness, calmness and appreciation of values, talents, abilities. Taurus takes a long-term view and proceeds slowly but surely because the best of everything is worth waiting for. They luxuriate in sensual delights, comfort, security and material prosperity. They prefer real to artificial and fear being disturbed (frustrated) or left wanting (unsatisfied). They have a strong set of personal values (integrity), practical common sense (down-to-earth) and are attentive, affectionate, artistic and peaceful. Negative attributes may include self-indulgence, stubbornness, slow-movement, materialism, too much thought before action, being too introverted, easily embarrassed, boring and insensitive.

Taurus is the fixed earth sign and can be likened to an ancient rainforest full of old trees and rare plants or an ancient castle full of valuable antiques. It represents an enduring, practical reality. The glyph or symbol depicts the bull’s horns.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the value of insight.

Gemini: The Twins (21st May - 20th June) is concerned with communication, interaction, articulation, speech, dexterity, nimbleness, light-footedness, wit, persuasion, variety, movement, curiousity, exploration, short journeys, education, learning, collecting facts, attention to detail, adaptability, intellect, intuition, youth and freedom. Gemini multi-task and are constantly on the go, running errands. Contact through words, ideas, gossip or philosophy makes them happy. They can sell anything to anyone and talk themselves out of difficulty. They are inquisitive, entertaining, charming, versatile, liberal, broad-minded, quick, inventive, stimulating and sociable. They long to find their soul-mate, the mysterious twin who will complete them but the wholeness they seek may be found within if they can gather together their many sides. Negative attributes include restlessness, impatience, irritability, anxiety, impracticality, capricious, fickleness, manipulativeness, non-committal behaviour and superficiality.

Gemini is the mutable air sign and can be likened to the constantly moving wind. They are motivated by their instincts, are agreeable and constantly adjust in order to create harmony. The glyph or symbol depicts duality and changeability.

Spiritual Goal: To learn how to cooperate.

Cancer: The Crab (21st June - 22 July) is concerned with receptivity, sensitivity, self-defense or preservation, home, comfort, domesticity, food, nurture, mothering instincts, nostalgia, sentimentality, family, history, memory, antiques, money, business, response to public need, patriotism, dreams, the psychic and telepathy. Cancer have a fear of insecurity and use a hard outer shell to protect themselves from the world. They absorb and reflect every emotion experienced. Their emotional moods change according to the waxing and waning of the moon. They are contemplative, tenacious, shrewd, intuitive, compassionate, gentle, kind, helpful and caring. They tend to have a lunatic sense of humour, based on their accurate observation of human nature. They often like to be inconspicuous, avoid discussing their personal life and use indirect tactics to get what they want. Negative attributes include possessiveness, too easily hurt, moody, crabby, unforgiving, selfish, manipulative, introspective and overpowering.

Cancer is the cardinal water sign and can be likened to a safe harbour where boats can take shelter from the dangers of the sea. The glyph or symbol may symbolise nurturing breasts.

Spiritual Goal: To learn how to take a balanced view of things.

Leo: The Lion (23rd July - 22 August) is concerned with playfulness, liveliness, entertainment, creativity, romance, love affairs, sex, offspring, children, activities, childishness, taking risks, gambling, sports, games, performance, drama, limelight, applause, entertainment and hospitality. Leo are not interested in winning but in being king or queen, a sovereign or ruler. They have a mature sense of responsibility. They are courageous, authoritative, magnanimous, proud, dignified, loyal, caring, open, honest, friendly, charming, trusting, accepting and generous. They appear popular, confident and extroverted but may secretly harbour self-doubts and undervalue themselves. They crave love, adoration, appreciation and recognition. They can be a source of life-enhancing warmth, joy and pleasure. Negative attributes include stubborn or wilfulness, contempt or arrogance, sulkiness, smug or boastfulness, indifference and cold-heartedness when hurt.

Leo is the fixed fire sign and can be likened to a fire burning in its proper place, such as a camp fire around which everyone can gather. They can transform things with their energy. The glyph or symbol depicts the lion’s mane.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the true meaning of love.

Virgo: The Virgin (23rd August - 22nd September) is concerned with self-perfection, critical faculties, altruism, honesty, responsibility, cleanliness, hygiene, health, healing, efficiency, daily routines, reliability, strength of character, veiled sensuality, passivity, modesty, incisive communication and shrewd logical thought. Virgo are pure-minded by not naive, quick-witted, charming and emotionally warm. They worry too much about every personal imperfection and are never satisfied with their own standards. They are composed, reserved, helpful, humane, sympathetic, conscientious, painstaking, analytical and intelligent. They crave the opportunity to serve others and take charge of apparently mundane matters that are the foundations of success. They are usually interested in acquiring information and communication by writing. Negative attributes include scathing criticism of the lazy, crankiness, irritability, dogmatic, untidy, hypochondriacal, nervous, prudish, undemonstrative, over-demanding and eccentric.

Virgo is the mutable earth sign and can be likened to a semi-shaded patio, which has been adapted to make a delightful organic garden. It represents adaptable practicality. The glyph or symbol usually portrays a fair maiden, sometimes with a sheaf of wisdom (linked to the harvest) and represents privacy or the female sexual organs.

Spiritual Goal: To learn to discriminate between destructive criticism and simple wisdom.

Libra: The Scales (23rd September - 22nd October) is concerned with partnerships, relationships, romance, ideas, opinions, politics, diplomacy, music, harmony, equilibrium, tact, argument, self-control, manners, appearance, refinement, sophistication, taste, spending, rational thought and ideas for social well-being. Libra make effective mediators or negotiators (peace-makers). They give advice freely and are interested in all the facts so they can come to a balanced decision. They are cooperative, charming, sociable, sincere, good-natured, trustworthy, loving, gentle, fair, artistic, opinionated, communicative and have strong beliefs. They are secretly terrified of being alone, despite appearing calm, collected and in charge of the situation. Negative attributes include narcissism, indolence or sulky, petulance, objectionable to taking orders, fearful, indecision, fickleness, manipulation, overbearing and flirtatious. They attempt to gain an even balance in regards to the inconsistency in their behaviour.

Libra is the cardinal air sign and can be likened to a finely tuned wind instrument, producing powerful, moving music in perfect harmony. It represents ideas put into action, even though they may think for a long time before making a decision and acting on it. The glyph or symbol represents the setting sun and the equation approximately or equal to.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the meaning of selfless love.

Scorpio: The Scorpion (23rd October - 21st November) is concerned with birth, life, death, sex, sensuality, passion, pushing boundaries of discovery, regeneration, transformation, metamorphosis, finance, investments, wills, inheritance, hidden matters, secrets, taboos, magic, collective unconscious, defence systems, social revolution, reformation and change. Scorpio have intense focus and concentration and understand their own failings. They are intractable and impenetrable, hiding their true nature / depth. They are passionate, emotional, compassionate, protective, tenacious, magnetic, dynamic, probing, investigative, un-shockable, psychological and determined. They exercise power through 3 evolutionary stages: emotion / instinct, intellect or love. Negative attributes include self-destruction, possessiveness, cunning, ruthless, overbearing, suspicious, jealousy, dangerous, quick-tempered, obstinate, moody, sadistic, insulting, secretive, intolerant and vindictive.

Scorpio is the fixed water sign and can be likened to still waters that run deep. Their relentless power penetrates and transforms and they cannot easily be deflected from their purpose. The glyph or symbol can portray either a scorpion or an eagle and represents drive, desire, striving upwards or the male sexual organs.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the meaning of selfless love.

Sagittarius: The Archer (22nd November - 21st December) is concerned with philosophy, idealism, religion, spiritual growth, optimism, enthusiasm, forward-planning, travel, independence, freedom of movement, the outdoors, generosity, justice, morality, imagination, aspirations, open-mindedness, wit, intellect, flashes of intuition, generosity, pleasure, sensuality and romance. Sagittarius are happy-go-lucky, stimulating, inspiring, fair-minded, hold no grudges and always see the best in people. They may be tactless but are not deliberately cruel. They are open, honest and direct and unconventional or uncommitted in relationships. They are adventurous, gambling, risk-takers and enjoy physical danger. They deny their own sadness and fear any responsibility that curtails their freedom. Negative attributes include argumentative, impatience, restlessness, hot-headed, impulsive, irresponsible, indulgent, fanatical, preachy, uncivilised, animalistic, blundering and inept.

Sagittarius is the mutable fire sign and can be likened to stars, a thousand lighted candles or rising sparks. They can transform negative situations with their optimism. The glyph or symbol depicts the centaur (half man, half horse) and the arrow pointing towards a higher direction or purpose.

Spiritual Goal: To learn to use their talents to guide others.

Capricorn: The Goat (22nd December - 19th January) is concerned with practicality, realism, hard work, accomplishment, planning, persistence, success, high status, good quality, reputation, responsibility, difficulties, problems, paternalism, authority, discipline, money, wealth, long-term projects, wisdom and sensitivity to beauty. Sure-footed and practical, Capricorn always reach their ambitions eventually, beating others who are faster but less determined. They take life seriously and a sense of duty or a fear of embarrassment often stops them from acting out their desires (secret romantics). They worry about physical, social and emotional security. They are conventional, concerned, reserved, cautious, scrupulous and organised. They give sound advice, take risks when necessary, respect authority, are loyal to tradition and have high standards. They can allow inner fears to dominate their decisions. Negative attributes include egotistical, slave-driving, unforgiving, anxious, critical, perfectionist and fatalistic.

Capricorn is the cardinal earth sign and can be likened to the oldest, most valuable tree in the forest. The glyph or symbol depicts the beard of the goat and the tail of the old sea goat.

Spiritual Goal: To learn to understand the feelings and needs of other people.

Aquarius: The Water Bearer (20th January - 18th February) is concerned with scientific analysis, experimentation, detachment, friendship, courtesy, kindness, tranquility, mystery, intrigues, magic, genius, originality, eccentricity, independence, humanitarian issues, fame, recognition, politics, creative arts, electricity, magnetism and telecommunications. Aquarius are idealistic, intellectual, inventive, assertive and opinionated. They stand for freedom, equality, evolution, individuality and independence of thought and action. They are communicative, cooperative, dependable and enjoy sharing their knowledge. They are caring, loyal friends and have an intense interest in human beings. They can be uncertain of their true identity since they are precarious, non-conformists. They often have original, unexpected ideas. Negative attributes include tactless, rude, perversity, voyeuristic curiousity, self-interest, lack of confidence and unwilling to share ideas or fight for beliefs.

Aquarius is the fixed air sign and can be likened to a paraglider, jumping off the earth to explore a rainbow, yet aware of how to ensure a safe landing. Ideas may be unusual or original but once formed they tend to remain fixed. The glyph or symbol represents the eternal flow of spiritual energy.

Spiritual Goal: To learn how to develop true self-confidence.

Pisces: The Fishes (19th February - 20th March) is concerned with compassion, sympathy, love, altruism, dreams, the psychic, precognition, sixth sense, illusions, magic, film, fantasy, make-believe, art, drama, music, poetry, prose, dance, unusual talent, memory, wisdom, versatility, sensitivity, intuition, humour, satire, secrets, fulfilment of life and eternity. Pisces can accept the challenges of life and rise to the top, or can give in to the easy way of oblivion and sick to the bottom. They must find peace through beauty, music and harmony. They need to turn their private, mystical, dream world of love and compassion into a reality. They are romantic, shy, spiritual, open-minded, receptive, impressionable, perceptive, creative, sympathetic, tender, hospitable, humane and compassionate. They can lose touch with reality, become too emotionally involved with others problems and tend to blame themselves for everything. Negative attributes include self-pitying, gullibility, indecision, dependency, escapism, sensationalism and depression.

Pisces is the mutable water sign and can be likened to a warm, turquoise lagoon, twinkling in the sunshine or a strong ocean current rising from the depths. The glyph or symbol depicts being pulled in two opposite directions.

Spiritual Goal: To learn the meaning of peace through service to others.

The Modes

Cardinal = Initiating; gets things going
Fixed = Persisting; gets things done
Mutable = Alternating; adaptable, flexible

The Elements

Earth = Physical (common sense, practicality, consolidation) force that holds the atoms together
Air = Mental / Intellectual (thinking, communication) the energy that shapes things to come
Water = Emotional (feelings, reception, intuition) power of the unconscious mind
Fire = Action (practicality) Directed will; energy radiating out from the center

Evaluating the strength of elements in an individual

Assign 4 points to the element associated with the Sun
Assign 3 points to the element associated with the Moon
Assign 2 points to the element associated with Mercury, Venus, Mars
Assign 1 point to the element associated with Jupiter, Saturn

If 8 or more points are concentrated in one element = a preponderance

Key Reference Used: Zodiac Types by Collins Gem

The Sun (Ruler of Leo) is where we derive our life purpose or direction, our creativity, vitality and controls the individual style in which we go about things. It represents our conscious mind, the present, our ego, our adult, the part that reasons things out and makes final decisions. The Sun is our basic identity, personality or true self-expression and focuses on reason as opposed to instinct. When we are acting out our Sun, we are purposeful, directed, proud and creative. On the negative side, we can be haughty, overly willful, self-centered and judgmental.

Grant Lewi referred to the Sun as indicative of “the psychological bias which will dominate your actions… You may think, dream, imagine, hope to be a thousand things, according to your Moon and your other planets: but the Sun is what you are, and to be your best self in terms of your Sun is to cause your energies to work along the path in which they will have maximum help from planetary vibrations.”

The Moon (Ruler of Cancer) governs our instinctual reactions, emotional responses and moods. It rules rhythmic ebb and flow of activity and energy. It represents our subconscious mind, the past (memories) our inner self (child & mother) and our deepest personal needs. Where the Sun acts, the Moon reacts. It is responsive, receptive, and reflective. It shows how we protect ourselves and emote or respond to our world. The Moon makes us imaginative, creative, intuitive, sentimental and introspective. On the negative side, we can be moody, restless and irrational.

Grant Lewi described the moon: “When you “know what you mean but you can’t say it,” it is your Moon that knows it and your Sun that can’t say it. “Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears” are the thoughts of your Moon’s nature. The wordless ecstasy, the mute sorrow, the secret dream, the esoteric picture of yourself that you can’t get across to the world, or which the world doesn’t comprehend or value - these are the products of the Moon in your horoscope. When you are misunderstood, it is your Moon nature, expressed imperfectly through the Sun sign, that you feel is betrayed. When you know what you ought to do, but can’t find the right way to do it, it is your Moon that knows and your Sun that refuses to react in harmony. Also, when you “don’t know why I said that,” it was your Moon expressing despite your Sun (if you are innerly satisfied with the involuntary speech), or the Sun expressing against the will of the Moon (if you are displeased with what has slipped out). Things you know without thought - intuitions, hunches, instincts - are the products of the Moon. Modes of expression that you feel are truly your deepest self belong to the Moon: art, letters, creative work of any kind; sometimes love; sometimes business. Whatever you feel is most deeply yourself, whether or not you are able to do anything about it in the outer world, is the product of your Moon and of the sign your Moon occupies at birth.”

Mercury (The Messenger, Ruler of Gemini and Virgo) is associated with brainpower, mental ability, daily travel, expression and communication. It takes things apart and puts them back together again. Thought processes, ideas, and sensory information from both conscious and unconscious sources all need to be coordinated, analysed and understood. Mercury makes us opportunistic, inquisitive, curious and versatile. On the negative side, we can be high-strung or nervous, nit-picky, indecisive, and overly technical.

Venus (Goddess of Love, Ruler of Libra and Taurus) is linked with pleasure, leisure, possessions, money, art, grace, charm, beauty, love, sensuality and romantic attraction. It rules our sentiments, attachments, what we value or appreciate, how we approach relationships and how we spend money. Venus encourages us to be harmonious, to compromise, make-peace, be loving and act with taste. On the negative side, we can be self-indulgent, self-centered, vain and superficial.

Mars (God of War, Ruler of Aries) is associated with energy, masculinity, anger, competitiveness and sex drive. It is the survival instinct, the animal nature of man. It is associated with physical attraction and focuses on action (without contemplation) rather than reaction. Mars differs from the Sun in that it is self-assertion rather than assertion of the will; it is raw energy rather than creative energy. Mars makes us assertive, directed, forthright and adventurous. On the negative side, we can be impulsive, rash, impatient, aggressive and forceful.

Jupiter (King of the Gods, Ruler of Sagittarius) deals with physical and mental expansion, self-confidence, enthusiasm, humour, finance, luck, abundance and travel. It represents morality, gratitude, generosity, tolerance, hope, mercy, honour and justice. It shows how we go about trusting others and improving our lives. Jupiter seeks insight through knowledge for mental and spiritual growth, to reach a broader purpose. The more negative manifestations include blind optimism which leads to irresponsibility, excess, and overindulgence.

Saturn (Ruler of Capricorn) brings restrictions, limitations, inhibitions and an awareness of fear or failure. Where Jupiter expands, Saturn constricts. This may seem negative but it actually brings structure, meaning and definition to our lives because it knows the limits of time and matter. It reminds us of our boundaries, responsibilities, commitments and the need for self-control. Saturn imposes discipline, rules, and regulations like a father or authority figure to help us learn and grow.

Uranus (God of the sky and the heavens, Ruler of Aquarius) is associated with upheaval, chaos, change, revolution and the unexpected. It is forward-looking, linked with technology, innovation and discovery. It balks at tradition, celebrating originality and individuality. It is associated with enlightenment, progressiveness, objectivity, novelty and ingenuity. Uranus represents the spark of intuition that spurs invention or investigation. On the negative side, it may cause rebelliousness without a cause and irresponsibility.

Neptune (God of the Sea, Ruler of Pisces) is linked with spiritual enlightenment, intuition, glamour and aesthetic or artistic subjects. It is a planet of inspiration, dreams, psychic receptivity, illusion and confusion. It is associated with mercy, compassion and self-sacrifice. Neptune also brings hope, fantasy and dreaminess. On the negative side, it may cause deceit, trickery, guilt, addiction and a vulnerable or naive nature, which is susceptible to disillusionment or deception.

Pluto (God of the Underworld, Ruler of Scorpio) relates to elimination, orgasm, change, transformation, upheaval, regeneration, destruction, death and rebirth. It represents subconscious forces, ruling all that is below the surface and the unseen. It represents endings and new beginnings, as well as spiritual growth. The negative expression of Pluto is an obsessive desire for power and control and general destructiveness.

NB: The positions of Uranus, Neptune and Pluto by sign will be shared with other people in the same generation due to comparatively slow movement in the heavens. The house position shows where individuals are different. It reveals an area of life where we feel the need to distinguish ourselves from others.

The Ascendant (or rising sign) defines the first impression we make upon others in a personal sense (physical appearance, health, body ego). It governs our facade, our coping defenses, how we outwardly deal with new people or situations. It embraces the past, present and future and filters through into the outer world, the energies depicted by the Sun, Moon etc in your birth chart. It also indicates your soul’s function, a key part of your destiny.

The Medium Coeli (or midheaven) represents the career or life path. It defines our reputation in a professional sense, our most visible achievements and accomplishments in society. The Midheaven is the cusp of the tenth house and is directly opposite the Imum Coeli (IC). Along with the Ascendant (ASC) and the Descendant (DSC), these compose the four angles of your natal chart.

Key Reference Used: cafeastrology.com

He also insinuated that agnostics were fence-sitters, even though he went on to clarify thoughts. I’d rather be open-minded and balanced than have extremist views in either scientific or religious thought, it doesn’t mean I don’t have any opinions. Some of it I found rather enjoyable & entertaining but a lot of it I found frustrating, condescending & repetitive. Like most books, it probably made me think &/or re-affirm my views but I don’t think my belief system has particularly changed.

In between each lifetime, the soul floats through darkness towards a bright energizing light, which replenishes and rejuvenates. Embalming, burial rituals or any procedure after death has no influence; the soul automatically passes on; no preparation is necessary. Just like walking through an open door. Souls then await instructions and guidance from the Master Spirits or guardians. They have a chance to reflect on the lessons learnt during the previous lifetime and can choose to be re-born, what they need to accomplish and what karmic debts need repaying. Groups of souls tend to reincarnate together again and again, working out their karma over the span of many lifetimes. We are frighteningly concerned with our own deaths, sometimes so much so that we forget the real purpose of our lives. The belief in reincarnation strengthened by past-life regression helps ease fear of death because our existence becomes known as infinite.

Our task is to learn, to become God-like through knowledge. We know so little. By knowledge we approach God and then we can rest. We come back to teach and help others. There are many gods, for God is in each of us. There are many souls in this dimension. There are many dimensions / planes. Each one is a level of higher consciousness. What level we go to depends on how far we have progressed / evolved. We must share our knowledge with other people. We all have abilities far beyond what we use. If you do not overcome your vices before dying, you carry them over with you to another life. Only we can rid ourselves of the bad habits that we accumulate when we are in a physical state. And only when you decide that you are strong enough to master the external problems, then you will no longer have them in your next life.

We must also learn not to just go to those people whose vibrations are the same as ours. This is important in helping people. We are given intuitive powers we should follow and try not to resist or we are more likely to meet danger. Some of us possess powers greater than others because they have been accrued from other lifetimes. Thus people are not all created equal but eventually we will reach a point where we will all be equal. People in commas can decide whether or not to return, depending on how much learning they have yet to accomplish in the physical state. If they feel they have nothing further to learn, they can go directly to the spiritual state. We have no right to abruptly halt peoples’ lives before they have lived out their karma. They will suffer greater retribution if we let them live. We are not to kill, no matter what the circumstances. Only God can punish.

We choose when we will come into our physical state and when we leave. We know when we have accomplished what we intended, when nothing more can come of a lifetime. We know when the time is up and can accept death. When you have had the time to rest and re-energise your soul, you are allowed to choose your re-entry back into the physical state. Everybody’s path is basically the same. We must all learn certain attitudes: charity, hope, faith and love. People of religious orders have come closer than any of us because they have taken vows of chastity and obedience. Not a reference to sexual abstinence but a purity of living. Not to overindulge, anything done to excess. They’ve given up so much without asking for anything in return.

Patience and timing; everything comes when it must come. A life cannot be rushed, cannot be worked on a schedule. Time is not as we see it but rather in lessons that are learned. It is a waste of energy when fear is present. It stifles people from fulfilling their goals. To be in physical state is abnormal. When you are in spiritual state, it is natural. There are different levels of learning and we must learn some of them in the flesh. We must feel pain. When you’re a spirit, you feel no pain. It is a period of renewal. The interaction between people in the spiritual form is different. When you are in the physical form, you can experience relationships. We go through so many stages when we’re here. We shed a baby body, go into a child’s, from child to an adult, an adult into old age. Why shouldn’t we go one step beyond and go on to a spiritual plane?

We continue to grow; we go through different stages of development: renewal, learning and decision. Our body is just a vehicle; it is our soul and spirit that last forever. Learning in the spiritual state is much faster, far accelerated from that in the physical state. There are seven planes in all, each one consisting of many levels, which we must pass through during the interim; one of them is the plane of recollection, where you are allowed to see the life that has just passed. Those of the higher levels, the sages or masters, are allowed to see history. They can go back and teach us by learning about the past. Another is the plane of transition, where it is determined what you will take into the next life, a dominant trait that you must overcome or your burdens will become greater still. There is also the plane of awareness. We must repeat things if we do not learn. We must understand fully or we are not allowed to pass on to another dimension, another life.

Wisdom is achieved very slowly. This is because intellectual knowledge, easily acquired, must be transformed into ‘emotional’ or subconscious awareness. Theoretical knowledge is not enough to make the imprint permanent, behavioural practice is required. Happiness is rooted in simplicity; a state of being; an altered state of consciousness. It is sustained by act and deed; taking something nearly mystical and transforming it into everyday familiarity. Balance and harmony are neglected today, yet they are the foundations of wisdom. Humankind is guided by greed and ambition, steered by fear. In this way it will eventually destroy itself. But nature will survive, at least the plants. Humans are immortal and what we are doing now is learning our lessons. We are all going to the same place eventually; no one is greater than another.

So, full of apprehension, I arrived at Cluny Hill College (aka Hogwarts) on Saturday morning with my friend Ian, who was due to move into Newbold House, having quit his job and left his flat in Swansea in favour of the Findhorn lifestyle. He had encouraged me to visit by talking so enthusiastically of his experiences and by sending me gifts such as a book entitled ‘The Magic Of Findhorn’ by Paul Hawken and the ‘Experience Week’ song by Mike Scott of the Waterboys. After registering for the course, I sat on a small bench in the garden, opposite the ‘contemplation’ sculpture, which was a Buddha-esque / meditation figure, in order to calm my nerves. And I briefly explored the ‘new age’ shop where there was a Buddha ornament which appeared exactly like my housemates, only smaller, so I conspired to purchase one so I could swap them on my return as a practical joke.

I met the rest of my experience week group after lunch; there were 3 boys and 9 girls altogether and 2 focalisers / leaders, Paul and Catherine. After a brief exercise in which we were encouraged to visualise our journey, we were invited to share why we decided to visit Findhorn. I spoke of how I was interested in spiritual books and new age theories and how fascinating it would be to see people living their lives everyday according to such principles ie: consulting their inner wisdom / higher consciousness and manifesting reality etc. I am also endeavouring to get out into the world more often, since suffering from anxiety and depression for many years. I also talked of the previous day, about staying over in Ian’s caravan and meeting the people of Newbold House who were an example of community living in action. Whilst in the company of a German man called Volkmar, I commented how it seemed that women often outnumbered the men during experience weeks at Findhorn and he replied, “well at certain workshops ie: on ‘free love and sexuality,’ you’ll find that the men outnumber the women!”

Sunday morning featured ‘sacred dance’ with a lively, eccentric teacher who was barefoot with a beard. Although it was obvious other members were enjoying the folk-esque dancing, I prefer gentler movements these days ie: I am considering taking up tai chi. In the afternoon, we travelled over to the Park, a beautiful and quaint, almost fairy-tale village. I enjoyed the group meditation in the Sanctuary. It is not something I am particularly familiar with and am uncertain whether I’d have the patience / discipline to practice by myself but in a group with a voice guiding you, it is amazing. And when sitting inside the Nature Sanctuary (aka the Hobbit’s House) during the tour, I felt electricity in my hands and feet, like pins and needles, a tingling sensation. It was most surreal, so I definitely felt a resonance with the place and surroundings.

On the way home, we visited Findhorn beach for a few minutes and I became slightly emotional over what work chores I would be assigned for the week. We then had an ‘attunement,’ whereby we were encouraged to listen to our intuition and select a location and department. There were 4 types available: Homecare, Kitchen, Garden and Maintenance. Due to the early start at the Park, I was actually considering working at Cluny but in the end, decided to listen to my heart instead of my head. Throughout the session, I kept visualising the original caravan and the garden surrounding it and took this as an indication / sign to choose park maintenance. I also remember having a pang of anxiety that everyone would choose it and I’d be forced to pick something else but luckily Paul started talking about how we could be doing anything including cleaning toilets and I felt relieved as I knew that would put folks off.

On Monday, I was scraping paint off a house in Bagend, which was a housing development beyond the ‘Field Of Dreams’ where the main eco-houses lived. Being outdoors with the wind blowing on my face in such a beautiful setting was refreshing but I had difficulty dealing with the dirt / dust. I tried hard to let the obsession of it being absorbed into my body go and imagine it floating away instead. Catherine had suggested we relate any work chore to something internal ie: if you are pulling weeds, imagine you are removing them from inside yourself. This seemed a familiar concept because when I am being productive and organised, tidying html code etc, I often feel like I am ordering my life. And when I am clearing away junk and dematerialising, I feel so cathartic. (See Do you de-clutter and re-organise? blog) At Findhorn, they describe work as ‘love in action’ and you can take your time and even have a break if required. Jobs are chosen on a particular day based on what people feel up to doing or are drawn to. It was also interesting to hear ‘sharing’ in a different setting (park maintenance) with different people. Members talked openly about a particular thought they’d been pondering or a dream they had had the previous night.

In the afternoon, we had discovery games in the ballroom. Again, I didn’t enjoy any of the energetic games, since I am looking for activities that calm me down but reveled in those featuring questions about yourself and in particular an exercise involving planet visualisation. My chosen planet appeared like Saturn and on the first underground layer, I imagined lots of little men (possibly elves) digging and doing various other everyday activities. It was a very chaotic scene. The next layer was more serene; a misty mountain landscape against the backdrop of a setting sun and naturally, the core was a giant ball of light. I felt uncomfortable with all the human contact to be honest; I felt as if my personal space was being invaded. And I realised that I prefer connecting with people in general through conversation, a mental / spiritual connection rather than a physical one. I also reached the conclusion that this is probably why I enjoy connecting via the internet, it’s just mind to mind and often feels like contributing to a collective global consciousness. (See The Internet: One Giant Brain? blog)

By Tuesday, I was craving all the physical needs: sleep, food and warmth but emotionally, I was feeling rather content. My job involved sanding down paint filler on the sheds in preparation for painting. When standing on the ladder, I could feel the comforting sun on my face and I noticed some needles hanging from the roof in the shape of a star or pentagram. A gentleman with long grey hair in a ponytail asked me what I was contemplating and after explaining, he commented, “Ah yes, it has been ordered or arranged,” or words to that effect. This reminded me how wonderful it was to be around so many kooky folks, whereas ordinary people from the outside world would be more likely to laugh and ask what drugs you are on. By kooky, I am referring to those of a spiritual nature who have a combination of unique qualities such as depth, intelligence, open-mindedness and who are always exploring and questioning life, death and everything else. During the break, I was sat quietly on the sofas in the community centre listening to Michael play the guitar, while people mingled around him, sipping cups of tea and catching up with friends. It was a highly carefree and friendly environment. And it was safe too; I never felt like my personal belongings, my purse or camera would be stolen and this idea was reinforced by there being no locks on the bedroom doors.

The afternoon consisted of a trip to Randolph’s Leap, a beautiful reservoir of nature, featuring lichen covered mossy trees, sparkling rocks and a flowing river. Allegedly, Pan, the god of nature, a faun-like creature has been sighted at this particular location. We were encouraged to spend some time alone in nature and to be mindful ie: to notice the intricate details and beauty of the world. I wandered around for a while and settled between two tall trees on a cliff edge. In between them was a large rock pointing out towards the river flowing beneath. I was planning to read but found myself just sitting contemplating events of the day and absorbing my surroundings. And to my utter surprise, underneath the tree nearest me, I found a note saying “I love you dear tree, I promise to stay connected, Mary.” On occasion during the afternoon, I noticed that my hands felt light as feathers, which seemed to be related to the morning’s mediation and reaching a level of stillness where I could no longer feel my hands. It felt as if there was just empty space between my arms. There were also times when I was holding hands within the group during ‘tuning in / out’ and felt a warm glow of energy between us, so it was beginning to feel as if something magical was happening at Findhorn.

Wednesday involved learning about ‘Earthshare’ and participating in ploughing the fields on a nearby farm. In the afternoon, we visited the Morray Art Centre at the Park and were encouraged to draw like a child. As a web designer, I’m always tightening things up, making them more efficient and precise so I struggled with this exercise because I desperately wanted to be neat rather than messy. I was afraid to put marks on the paper because I wanted everything to be perfect. I’d like to encourage the artist feeling of letting go, so am considering doing some life drawing or returning for the ‘Healing Through Art’ course in the spring. One thought that sprang to mind was how a friend of mine from art college always described certain mediums as being forgiving, ie: pencils or pastels are forgiving as if you make mistakes you can erase or correct them easily. It just seemed apt as our group angel / angelic quality for the week was forgiveness.

Thursday evening involved some exercises related to switching negatives into positives. In pairs, we had to debate issues from each side within 10 second intervals. I choose the theme of whether it is possible to separate love / feelings and sex. We were also told to think of some insight we had reached during the week. I thought about how I seem to keep attracting romantic partners who use and abuse me so had decided to keep chanting the mantra, “I am deserving of love.” We were told to think of a situation in which we were happy and click our fingers 3 times and to select a related word and so naturally I chose ‘Love.’ Then we performed a ceremony whereby we lit each other’s candles around the circle and passed on the gift of our chosen word. It was beautiful.

On Friday, during the completion, I revealed something very personal about myself and later Catherine informed me she had received some guidance, “That it wasn’t an illness / disorder, it had originated from a past life.” She suggested I read a book entitled, ‘Many Lives, Many Masters,’ which I have since ordered online along with a book called ‘The Quest’ about how to implement practical spirituality in everyday life. In the group sharing, I also described how there seemed to be no difference between folks from all over the world. I thought I’d feel alienated and alone since I am a hermit and not particularly well-travelled but personalities seemed to transcend any language or cultural barriers. I remembered one conversation in particular involving two Norweigians and an Icelander. I sat there oblivious to what they were discussing and Ove pointed at me and said in his native tongue, “She doesn’t know what we are talking about.” Then, Gis and I discovered that we were both web designers and began talking about design programs and web-based jargon, and Camilla piped up, “Now we don’t understand!” It was absolutely priceless.

I wouldn’t call it a break / holiday because it was overwhelming and exhausting at times but definitely a spiritually enlightening and revealing experience. Even life-changing perhaps… So I went to Forres train station, slightly sad to be leaving but relieved to be going home and prepared for my all-day train journey. And Ian was quite right, it was like returning to life amongst the muggles. All of a sudden, I felt submersed in the negative energy of the real world: fighting neighbours, trivial discussions on sport and general anger and frustration. They had insisted at the Findhorn Foundation, that it wasn’t a utopia; that they have the same problems as other communities / societies but in my humble opinion, it’s possibly one of the closest things to heaven, you’ll ever find on earth.

http://www.findhorn.org

Chapter 1: Why Do The Righteous Suffer?

Everyone is troubled by the unfair distribution of suffering in the world. It inevitably raises questions about the kindness, even the existence of God. One of the ways in which people have tried to explain it has been by assuming that we deserve what we get, that our misfortunes are punishment for our sins. Hence, we keep the world orderly and understandable. So we end up hating God and ourselves. We are told he has his reasons and it’s not for us to question him. But how can there be a higher purpose to such suffering? One suggestion is that we are part of a rich tapestry, a pattern which requires some lives be twisted, knotted or cut short. Another suggestion, is that we experience tragedy to learn, to evoke emotion and thought, expand our horizons. We are taught lessons, not for punishment sake but to help us evolve and become better human beings.

Chapter 2: The Book Of Job

Job is an ordinary man who loses everything. He becomes angry whereas his friends try to defend God, thus condemning him as a bad person. Which of the following 3 statements are you willing to sacrifice?

A) God is all powerful and causes everything that happens in the world. Nothing happens without his willing it.
b) God is just and fair, and stands for people getting what they deserve, so that the good prosper and the wicked are punished.
c) Job is a good person.

God responds but is he saying that he has other considerations to worry about, besides the welfare of one individual human being? That cannot be true; each person is important. Bad things do happen to good people in this world, but it is not God’s will. He would like people to get what they deserve in life, but cannot always arrange it. I would prefer to believe in his goodness rather than his ability to be all powerful.

Chapter 3: Sometimes There Is No Reason

But suppose God didn’t quite finish by the end of the week? Suppose that creation, the process of replacing chaos, with order, were still going on. Man was just created. The world is mostly an orderly, predictable place, showing ample evidence of God’s thoroughness and handiwork, but pockets of chaos remain. Most of the time, the events of the universe follow firm natural laws. But every now and then, things happen not contrary to the laws of nature, but outside them. They happen at random, and randomness is another name for chaos. Not the will of God, but represent that aspect of reality which stands independent of his will.

Chapter 4: No Exceptions for Nice People

Our human bodies are miracles, not because they defy laws of nature but precisely because they obey them. Pain is a warning that something is wrong. Laws of nature do not make exceptions. A bullet has no conscience; neither does a malignant tumor or an automobile out of control. Earthquakes and hurricanes are not ‘acts of God,’ they are natural disasters. It’s not how pain and illness is caused but the result that is important; such experiences can be either be made meaningful or empty and destructive. The vulnerability to death is one of the given conditions of life. What would happen to the world if everyone lived forever? Overcrowding, no change / renewal / rebirth.

Chapter 5: God leaves Us Room To Be Human (Free Will)

What does it mean to be human? Man was created part animal (needing to eat, sleep, mate) and part divine. Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And so we humans now live in a world that is good and bad, making our lives painful and complicated. Animals lives are much simpler, they are programmed to act purely on instinct and do not make moral decisions, whereas we can control our instincts on moral grounds. Animals can mate and reproduce, but only human beings can know love, with all the pain that it sometimes involves. We appreciate life more because we know we are going to die. To be human ‘in the image of God’ means being free to choose instead of following our instincts. Man can only show himself as being virtuous by choosing the good, when the bad is equally possible. Without good and evil, we can no longer be moral, which means we can no longer be human. Like a parent and child, If God intervenes, how will we learn to do things for ourselves. The freedom to choose includes the freedom to hurt and there is nothing God can do to prevent it, without taking control and reducing humans to animals.

Chapter 6: God Helps Those Who Stop Hurting Themselves

People sometimes make a bad situation worse by blaming themselves. Survivors feel guilty for being alive when a loved one is dead. Two elements seem to be involved: our strenuous need to believe that the world makes sense, that there is a cause for every effect and a reason for everything that happens so we try and find patterns and that we are the cause of what happens. Sometimes we have caused the sorrow in our lives and need to take responsibility. A sense of our inadequacies and failings, a recognition that we could be better, is one of the forces of moral growth and improvement in our society. But an excessive sense of guilt, a tendency to blame ourselves for things which are clearly not our fault, robs us of our self-esteem. If we want to go on living, we have to get over the irrational feeling that every misfortune is our fault, the direct result of our mistakes or mis-behaviour. The textbook definition of depression is anger turned inwards. We should be angry at the situation, rather than ourselves, others or God. Jealousy is also self-destructive as nobody in life is without sorrow.

Chapter 7: God Can’t Do Everything But He Can Do Some Important Things

If we do not hold God responsible for life’s tragedies, if we believe that God wants justice and fairness but cannot always arrange it, what are we doing praying? Who could worship a God who rewards only those who plead and grovel enough? And if we don’t get what we want, how do we keep from being angry? When miracles occur, we would be advised to express gratitude and not think that our prayers and actions are responsible. We cannot merely pray to God to end war, as he has made the world in such a way that a man must find his own path to peace, to end starvation because the resources are available to feed the entire world, or to end prejudice, despair and disease but we can ask for courage, determination and willpower to act for ourselves instead of merely praying to God. One suggestion for the purpose of religion and prayer is not to put people in touch with God but with each other, to share experiences within a community so we don’t feel alone. Prayer when offered redeems people from isolation; it is comforting so is beneficial whether or not it changes the world outside. You cannot make deals with God or present him with a long list of demands but you can ask for inner-strength and support. Fate, not God sends the problem but he can help you deal with it.

Chapter 8: What Good Then Is Religion (Summary)

No one promised us a life free of pain and disappointment, but we do not have to be alone; we can draw upon a source for the strength to survive life’s tragedies and unfairness. God is limited in what he can do by laws of nature and by the evolution of human nature and moral freedom. He does not cause our misfortunes; some are caused by bad luck, bad people and some simply an inevitable consequence of our being human and mortal, living in a world of inflexible natural laws. They are not punishments or part of his design or will so we need not feel hurt or betrayed by God. Tragedies do not happen for any reason but they can be given meaning ie: now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it? Don’t dwell on the past, focus on the future. The facts of life and death are neutral. We, by our responses, give suffering either a positive or negative meaning. There are many good things as well as bad in the world. Only with time and distance can we see the tragedy in the context of a whole life and whole world. God inspires people to want to improve conditions, cure diseases, to help others in need and gives us the strength and perseverance to overcome adversity. Our responding to life’s unfairness with sympathy and with righteous indignation, his compassion and anger working through us, may be the surest proof that God exists. The ability to forgive and to love are the weapons we have been given to enable us to live in this less-than-perfect world.

However, it was even more revealing listening to a BBC interview with the man himself afterwards. I haven’t read his autobiography but I got the distinct impression that he didn’t ever feel remorseful or guilty. He just sounded like an ordinary, down-to-earth yorkshireman, who, in his mind, was simply providing a public service; performing his job as efficiently as possible. He didn’t pay attention to where the perpetrators were from or what they had done but simply endeavoured to treat them each with respect and give them a painless and dignified death. Later in life, he became an opponent of capital punishment, claiming it was simply an act of revenge but had no personal regrets.

Now, I’m totally confused. What is under dispute is whether global warming is actually man-made, caused by carbon emissions or just the natural ebb and flow of the sun’s temperature, which implies that nothing we do on earth will make any significant difference. Read some views about the vastness of the oceans and lands, and how insignificant man-made industry / factories are by comparison and how arrogant human beings are to believe they can have such a significant impact on an ancient earth.

The former argument suggests that CO2 causes the ozone layer to become denser, which traps in the sun’s rays (the greenhouse effect) and therefore increases the earth’s temperature. The latter argument suggests that CO2 makes up only 0.1% of the atmosphere and that there is an 800 year lag of rise in CO2 after the temperature has risen.

As usual there seems to be evidence either way but both sides can be accused of political bias and warping statistics to meet their objectives. Many scientists are apparently afraid to speak up against the mainstream as there is a stigma attached, that “denying global warming is like denying the holocaust.” What is the truth? Are the environmentalists genuine in their moral intentions or is the issue being abused to curry political favour ie: David Cameron, to get more funding for research or from the public ie: recycling tax fines? Do those with integrity / ethics actually understand the science involved?

Are those opposed trying to protect their interests in oil or automobiles or hungry to maintain power over industry / technology? A couple of the talking heads featured have apparently tried to ban the release of the documentary and the director has allegedly been accused of presenting fraudulent facts before. Is this another lie? I just don’t know what to believe now, maybe I’m actually becoming a sceptic. I can see how the majority of media, news, documentaries are full of propaganda / spin with one-sided views. However, I’ll continue tearing my windows off envelopes etc.